My body shuddered again as pain renewed scorched its way across my back, spreading like angry claws tearing beneath my skin from the impact of the whip. It left not the last of a growing number of surely bleeding welts upon my back, and I could do nothing but bite my tongue to keep from crying out. To do otherwise would mean death as it always did.
The taste of hot blood filling my mouth actually took my mind farther from the strange heat scorching my entire back and the even stranger cool wetness that I could feel slicking my buttocks and thighs. I'd learned long ago from my masters that my nakedness was eternal regardless of what garb I wore. Even my very flesh was a gift from the dark goddess that could be stripped away as easily as breeches or a tunic, as it was being peeled by the razor whip of a priest now.
I heard more than felt the next blow, a sickeningly slick crack of the whip and the barely-perceptible splatter of blood across the stone walls. The wetness pouring from my lacerated shoulders, sides, and posterior increased as the whip bit me again and again - the disciplining fangs of my goddess. Taught to be grateful for darkness for the secrecy it allows and the freedom from judgment it brings, I was exceptionally glad that in the dimness of the single torch lighting the circular narthex that I'd not be forced to see my crimson stains upon the walls. My blood was Her blood, and to lose it was to allow it to be stolen from Her.
"Speak, Nimuri! What light does the Dark Moon bring?" Master Gareth spoke through the darkness - not a growl or a bark nor a whisper nor a purr. His voice was the Goddess' voice. Emotionless, empty, and as uncompromising as the black void that existed before there was even light. I knew the answer - I'd known it in my heart when I'd been foolish enough to think I'd get away with my misdeed. Even with the bite of the whip, though, my heart refused to accept the Dark Lady as it should. I resisted with silence and was rewarded with more lashes.
"Answer, child. If not, your siblings whom the shadows refused await you in the Pit," came the promise that fools would think a threat. Master Gareth was going to kill me, and the Goddess was going to let him. That small thing was enough to shake me of my last vestiges of rebellion. I felt a new wetness then at my face - tears hot upon my already scalding cheeks that burned with shame I didn't deserve. Briefly - oh, so briefly - a light flashed in my mind behind those tears, and that light illuminated a memory of a dark-skinned foreigner and his daughter newly arrived in the city.
He smiled down at the little girl - at me - and scooped her up, wrapping her long black hair about his hands and kissing her forehead. He was Father. He was everything. The tears drowned him and swept him away with the flood, leaving only regret, fear, and sorrow. Inside my mind I saw within the shadows a pale woman shrouded and smiling sweetly.
The words poured from my lips between wracking sobs, "None, Master Gareth. There is no light. No hope. There is only the darkness and our sins that it hides. There is only Mother who waits in the dark, watching always."
"I am sorry, Dark Mother! I'm sorry, Master Gareth, I shan't sin again, I swear it! I shan't look into the light! I shan't-I shan't-I shan't," I bawled as any fourteen-year old child would bawl had they the strength to withstand Hell. Then with one final sob that was whipped from my body with Master Gareth's fiercest blow yet I breathed the cursed word, "I shan't ever Hope again!"
He stopped then. For a while, and the only sound in the darkness and the flickering light was my own crying. I knew that Mother was smiling. I knew she was happy, and because she was happy I would live. That did little to embolden me, though, as Master Gareth moved to the only light source in the room and plucked the torch from the wall, dropping its head into the bucket of water beneath the sconce.
Darkness absolute fell, but it was not silent. My screams were sweet notes upon the shadowy air as Master Gareth stopped aiming his strikes. The sound of my blood splattering about the room wasn't just nearly imperceptible anymore, it was a harmony to my screams of anguish. I screamed until I could taste new blood in my mouth, from my throat rather than my tongue, and I tried to scream more for the pain and the fear. He did not stop until I did.
I shan't dare to Hope again.
~~~~~
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